Updated: Nov 30, 2019
Can you stop being in love with someone?
If there is one thing I know it's that love sticks. The #relationship might have ended, but all the feelings that come with or usually insist on following you around. I've been there, so much so that I never really stopped loving the first person I was in love with.
I don't know if this is because your first love is supposed to be stubborn or whether I'm simply stubborn when I love somebody. But when that person deeply harms me, it's difficult to let them go. Maybe that's why I keep talking to people who have broken my heart even when its clear they aren't coming back. Is this something I'm doing to myself or is it that first love never really dies? Am I delusional? I asked myself.
To find out, I asked two experts —A spiritual match maker and a psychiatrist whether you can really stop loving someone you truly love? Both Dr. Grant Brenner, a #psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who practices in New York, and Heather Kristian Strang; A spiritual match maker concurred that even if love never goes away completely, the nature of it does change.
You may never stop #loving the person says Dr. Brenner,“But You're Not In Love Because It Takes Two To Tangle".
And according to Strang,“In a spiritual sense, all true love is eternal. Death, break-ups, divorce, Whatever it may be— Cannot destroy true love".
You might still have feelings of fondness and care for your former partner, but when you're not in love, your brain doesn't drive you to be with them in the same way. #Sexual desire fades away as well. Whether, Platonic care and fondness are considered love depends on how you view the nature of love itself. Dr. Brenner says,“Whether you stop being in love depends on the people involved". Some people do fall out of love when the rush and excitement of being around their #significant other fades. This might happened because the strong sense of love you felt for a person was based on sexual infatuation. Which is still love I would argue, but a lesser kind.
For others letting go of those feelings of love is harder, due to their background or their disposition. Don't stay in a relationship that is toxic. When it looks like its not flowing don't force it. Don't stay until you're broken before you walk away.
Some of us also actively hold onto love in unhealthy ways; such ad continuing contact with the person after a relationship has ended, before lingering feelings have been resolved.“Talking to the person on the phone, exchanging extended text conversations, meeting a lot keeps reminding a person of the feelings and reinforcing them".
I have definitely engaged in some of those behaviours, but even when I'm actively trying to forget about love, I usually find it cropping me up again. I can't be the only one who tried to spend a weekend not thinking about a person, only to wind up sobbing at a commercial for a television show we were supposed to watch #together. This often makes me feel like my feelings of love are out of control, a force greater than myself that I have to succumb to. Don't stay in a relationship until you get broken before you walk away from it. Love force becomes especially apparent when love is allowed to take its natural course and move a person forward to ascend into the next stage of their life.
Related blog: TRUE MEANING OF RELATIONSHIP GROWTH
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